Brad Pitt…No. 1 stinkiest celebrity! Russell Crowe, Bob Dylan, Courtney Cox on top 10 list, too

Posted by: Julian Ayrs on: February 13, 2009

A little soap and elbow grease might help, Hayden!

A-list actor Brad Pitt is the No. 1 stinkiest celeb making the talk show circuit, according to insiders in-the-know.

Who would have thunk!

The disc jockeys over at 95.5 FM chortled it up at the crack of dawn this morning as they levelled wise-cracks at ten celebrities alleged to be real stinkers in the body electric department.
One platter-slapper teased his cohorts with scintillating hints during the course of the popular morning talk show, as they tried to fathom the names of the leading contenders on the smell sheet coyly hidden in front of them.

There were a handful of males, a couple of women, and an “entity” (musical group) waiting to be found out.

“How can a whole band be stinky?” one disc jockey joked with a tinge of amusement in his silky broadcast voice.

Well, if a rock group heads out on a long and dusty road tour in a broken-down old VW – without frequent potty breaks- for starters.

Notwithstanding, I expect that if a sleazy rocker caught a dose of crabs from a hot-to-trot groupie on a night of lust and debauchery, by the end of the tour, all the dudes would end up with the pesky little devils crawlin’ beneath their creepy skin, eh?

Actually, high-profile musicians tended to be the main culprits when it came to a lack of hygiene.

Bob Dylan scored high, for instance.

Doesn’t he know his nasty B.O is blowing in the wind all around him?

David Bowie landed plunk dab on the 10 most-smelled, too.

All those spacey get-ups ‘n make-up must be revving up a nasty sweat on stage!

Major Tom to Ziggy Stardust, wake up!

After a performance, wipe off the eyeliner, lipstick and rouge with a little cold cream.

Day-old make-up is a frightful sight, just ask any middle-aged hooker in the tenderloin.

Russell Crowe got the nod, too.

Judging by the scruffy persona he projects in the trailers of his new film (puffy, flabby, and down-’n-out looking) I am not surprised folks are under the impression he just crawled out from under a slimy rock somewhere.

The big surprise was Hayden Christiansen from Star Wars.

Maybe, it should be chalked up to a simple pimply-faced case of careless youth?

Surprise! Keanu Reeves wasn’t on the grunge carpet.

Years ago, wardrobe assistants and assistant directors whispered under their breath, that he was so raunchy!

Guess he sprung some bucks on a shaving kit and soap-on-a-rope, once he hit the big-time in squeaky-clean Tinsel Town.

Of course, Jim Morrison was infamous for being stinko!

Apparently, the legendary rocker was stuffed in those skin-tight leather pants for weeks on-end – through endless nights of boozing and tweaking on drugs – with nary a thought about cleaning ‘em.

When it was revealed the Courtney Cox caused noses to wrinkle up, a female in the studio was aghast at the mere thought of it.

“If you’re rich, you can still stink?”

Here’s a real stumper.

Cameron Diaz?

“It boils down to body chemistry,” one DJ speculated in all seriousness.

Yeah, he’s got that right.

On occasion I’ve been in a confined space when a stranger walked in the room when – suddenly and without warning – my nostrils were assailed with the most vile odour.

And, in spite of the fact, their mouth wasn’t even facing in my direction.

No, the stench wasn’t due to foul breath, or even a stink wafting about because dirty clothing had been worn for days on-end without washing.

If ‘ya ask me, their diets must have consisted of fish and garlic and onions.

In the aftermath, the fumes not only reeked from every orifice of their sentient being, but actually appeared to ooze out of the very pores of their greasy skin to the displeasure of those around ‘em.

If that ever happens to me, I’ll gulp down a bushel of colon cleanser, or shoot myself.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness, after all, right?

A telltale sign?
Jeans that crease at the crotch signal a skanky woman!

www.julianayrs.com

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